Yesterday, on my lunch hour, I walked by the Hudson News store and decided to go in and see what September issues were interesting. The Essence magazine caught my eye, one reason because my ultimate hair crush, Tracee Ellis Ross is on the cover, but also one of the cover lines really made my cringe! It said, "Is Marriage Just For White People"; the shock value of that line alone was enough for me to grab that mag off of the shelf and stomp over to the counter and pay for it. In my head, I'm thinking... Is marriage just for white people? Umph... I gotta see what this article is all about... assholes. LOL!
As it turns out, Is Marriage Just For White People is the title of a book written by Stanford Law School Professor Ralph Richard Banks. Yes, he's a black man, and as I read the article, I couldn't stop thinking about the title. Why would someone pick that title for their book? Of course marriage isn't just for white people! I was pissed.
According to Banks' book, the most unmarried people are african americans and the numbers of unmarried african americans are rising amongst the middle and upper classes. College educated black women are more than likely not to marry than white women. In the case of men, white men are marrying twice as much as african american men as well. So that's where the book title comes from? Fine. But me being the hopeless romantic and believer in love and marriage, I still don't agree with that title. There is still hope for lasting marriage in the black community.
One of the main points of Banks' book states that black women need to date outside of their race instead of limiting themselves to just black men. Why? Because we are in short supply of successful black men and the black men who are deemed successful know that they are a hot commodity and use that fact as leverage to dictate the terms of relationships, which usually entail sex with no commitment. Forcing black women to basically fight for these "successful" black men and accept their bad behavior. Banks feels that if more black women date outside the race, this will force the successful black men to come correct and commit to black women. Really? I don't think so.
In my opinion there are alot of holes in that theory. First, whats considered to be successful varies from woman to woman. Second, the successful black man that Banks is talking about is not only dating black women, he's dating latinas, asians, whites; he doesn't limit himself. So, why would he even be moved to come correct and commit just because black women are dating outside the race? He could care less, he'll just wife up a white woman when he's ready to commit. A successful black man doesn't always mean making a six figure salary, driving a nice car and living in a nice home. There are plenty of successful black men out there who are educated via college or trade school, working good jobs, providing, protecting and being faithful to their families. That, in my eyes, is successful too, considering all the obstacles they go through on a daily basis.
There are so many branches to this topic; I can truly go on and on but I just wanted to address that article and see if anyone else has read it. I don't find anything wrong with black women dating outside the race, but I really don't think that will help the imbalance in relationships between black men and women.
How do you feel about Banks' theory?
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