Book Review: The Kid, by Sapphire

I recently finished reading The Kid by Sapphire, which is the continuation to PUSH.  The Kid picks up about nine years later.  Precious is raising her son Abdul, Mongo her daughter seems to have died? Not sure, that was never clarified.

Precious’ HIV got the best of her, leaving Abdul orphaned and thrusted into the foster care system.  The nine years that Precious did have with her son, she showered him with love and affection that she never received. She did an awesome job about teaching him life lessons, the importance of education and self reliance and she provided a strong foundation which made him very ambitious and goal oriented. At first, I was having difficulty understanding Abdul’s speech, but after a while, I got used to his ebonics.  Thankfully, his speech improved as her got older.

This book is chock full of messages surrounding social issues, psychological issues and identity issues.  The social services system for children in NYC is extremely flawed and we get a first hand depiction of how this flawed system can impact and destroy an innocent child’s life.  As a jaded and sheltered nine year old he got caught up in a cycle of abuse. Abdul was neglected and abused in a foster home, hospitalized for being brutally beaten by another child, and he lost his identity.  He then was placed in a catholic boarding school for boys where he was again abused. Abuse became such a major part of his life that he came to think it was normal; he then became an abuser, not taking responsibility for his actions. 

After being kicked out of the catholic school, he was placed in his great grandmother’s care. By then Abdul, was already old enough to make his own moves and come and go as he pleased. Not embracing life with his great grandmother, he eventually left and found himself homeless and navigating through the streets of life trying to follow his dreams of professional dancing.

At times, the book did get confusing, because Abdul was a daydreamer. It was hard to tell what was really happening and what was a dream.

Basically, I did like the story that Sapphire told about Abdul, but I wasn’t expecting it at all. After reading Push and watching the movie Precious, I didn’t think that life would get any worse for them, but The Kid continued the legacy of sorrow in a way I never would have imagined.

I wasn’t pleased with the ending at all. I would’ve liked to see Abdul get to the peaceful place he’d been longing for. Sapphire did leave the story open for that to eventually happen, but it’s not known whether or not she will continue a third installment. If she does, I would certainly read it, not because I enjoy reading about other people’s sorrows, but because I’m completely invested now.  I have to know how this young man’s story ends!

Unconditional Love is UnRealistic

There used to be a time that whenever I heard the term unconditional love I would romanticize it and think “Wow… he said he loves her unconditionally… That must feel  amazing.”  That was the much younger and naïve version of me, that really didn’t think about the implications of that statement.

Honestly, I find it very hard to love someone unconditionally.  If we are to set standards for ourselves and hold ourselves accountable to those standards as well as our partners, how can anything be unconditional?  There have to be conditions, otherwise you will fall for everything that is served up to you.  Our partners are a clear reflection of how we see and feel about ourselves.

In my twenties, I took pride in the fact that I loved first and asked questions later. Gave love freely no matter what.  I claimed to be an unconditional lover; loving infinitely, beyond measure.  I was being reckless and naïve. That had more to do with low-self esteem rather than unconditional love. A lot of people fail to make that differentiation.

Are you claiming to love unconditionally OR are you just loving the idea of love?

I’m certainly not trying to take the romance out of love nor am I purposely trying to be a cynic. But let’s face it, in this day and age love and relationships have become very risky.  I find nothing wrong with setting standards and a threshold for bullshit.  I find nothing wrong with stating at the very beginning of the relationship “I expect this, that and the third and if those things are not met or if I get to a point that I realize that you’ve misrepresented yourself to me, I’m going to have to end our relationship.”

Standards vary from woman to woman and even vary from culture to culture.  For me, there are basic standards.  I expect my man to treat me and my daughter right. I expect for him NOT to physically and emotionally abuse me.  I expect him to be faithful to me.  I expect for him to be gainfully employed.  I expect for him to have some moral fibers running through him and I expect him to take his health and wellness seriously.  Again, these are basic.  Keeping in mind that I wouldn’t put expectations on someone that I wouldn’t be able to live up to myself. 

I know that there are some people that feel that they do love their mates unconditionally regardless of what I’m saying in this post, which is commendable.   Then that means you will love them through the good, obviously, and the bad; and I’m not talking about them losing a job or some financial hardship, I’m talking about the REAL bad. Will you love them even if they started to treat you poorly? If they cheated? If they committed a crime and got sent to prison, would you still be there loving them?  Having no conditions puts you in danger of facing those very things or worse.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as unconditional love. Love is earned.  How?  By meeting the conditions of your partner.  And even after 10, 20 years together those conditions should still hold true.  Unconditional love is reserved for your children.