Interracial Dating... used to correct the dating imbalance?

Yesterday, on my lunch hour, I walked by the Hudson News store and decided to go in and see what September issues were interesting.  The Essence magazine caught my eye, one reason because my ultimate hair crush, Tracee Ellis Ross is on the cover, but also one of the cover lines really made my cringe!  It said, "Is Marriage Just For White People"; the shock value of that line alone was enough for me to grab that mag off of the shelf and stomp over to the counter and pay for it.  In my head, I'm thinking... Is marriage just for white people? Umph... I gotta see what this article is all about... assholes. LOL!

As it turns out, Is Marriage Just For White People is the title of a book written by Stanford Law School Professor Ralph Richard Banks. Yes, he's a black man, and as I read the article, I couldn't stop thinking about the title. Why would someone pick that title for their book?  Of course marriage isn't just for white people!  I was pissed. 

According to Banks' book, the most unmarried people are african americans and the numbers of unmarried african americans are rising amongst the middle and upper classes. College educated black women are more than likely not to marry than white women. In the case of men, white men are marrying twice as much as african american men as well.  So that's where the book title comes from? Fine. But me being the hopeless romantic and believer in love and marriage, I still don't agree with that title. There is still hope for lasting marriage in the black community.

One of the main points of Banks' book states that black women need to date outside of their race instead of limiting themselves to just black men.  Why? Because we are in short supply of successful black men and the black men who are deemed successful  know that they are a hot commodity and use that fact as leverage to dictate the terms of relationships, which usually entail sex with no commitment. Forcing black women to basically fight for these "successful" black men and accept their bad behavior.  Banks feels that if more black women date outside the race, this will force the successful black men to come correct and commit to black women.  Really? I don't think so.

In my opinion there are alot of holes in that theory.  First, whats considered to be successful varies from woman to woman. Second, the successful black man that Banks is talking about is not only dating black women, he's dating latinas, asians, whites; he doesn't limit himself. So, why would he even be moved to come correct and commit just because black women are dating outside the race? He could care less, he'll just wife up a white woman when he's ready to commit.  A successful black man doesn't always mean making a six figure salary, driving a nice car and living in a nice home. There are plenty of successful black men out there who are educated via college or trade school, working good jobs, providing, protecting and being faithful to their families. That, in my eyes, is successful too, considering all the obstacles they go through on a daily basis.

There are so many branches to this topic; I can truly go on and on but I just wanted to address that article and see if anyone else has read it.  I don't find anything wrong with black women dating outside the race, but I really don't think that will help the imbalance in relationships between black men and women.

How do you feel about Banks' theory?

Passing the Baton

Do you notice that your life and your friends’ lives are running parallel?  You break up with your boyfriend and then one month later your best friend is breaking up with her boyfriend.  Okay, sometimes it may not be so cut and dry or the ripple effect may not be so quick, but it seems that people in the same social circles seem to have similar journeys, but just at different times.  

It puts me in mind of a relay race and passing the baton.  The baton represents the journey that’s being passed on from friend to friend at different points in the race.

When I went through a time in my life where I started to put myself first and started doing things for me and my betterment, it was a time of real enlightment for me.  My self-esteem improved and I re-gained all the self-worth that I lost. So when my girlfriend went through a similar period, I was easily able to relate and help her. I was sorry that she even had to go through such personal turmoil, but at the same time it felt good to be able to be there for my dear friend and see her come into her own and finally do something for herself.

Passing the baton is not such a bad thing. At first, it may seem like we’re passing on trials and tribulations, but in actuality we’re passing on priceless experiences and knowledge that will go on and on.